oral surgery attempt # 3

I'm not allowed to call it a "failure" so I'll call it an incomplete success. It was partially successful because I got to the chair and sat down in record time, and I successfully calmed down three waves of panic. The failure was that this oral surgeon was a dick. We completely warned him of my problem and told him if we could have 45 minutes I could do it, I just need pauses between steps to control the waves of panic. This guy lead us on to believe "no problem" when he must have meant to say "whatever".

Major frustration. Everyone tells me it's not my fault, and....well....trying to maintain a positive view for more than 2 months about this is getting harder and harder. we ended up just walking out of there, because we could just see that it wasn't going to work. This guy wanted an IV in me in 5minutes...

my mum contacted a hygenist that worked with me when I was going to buffalo general...right before my years of denial....she's going to try to find us somebody good to put me under general anesthesia in the hospital. she said she'd call back tomorrow.

I've never seen my mom cry at the dentists...but she did today. She said it just finally broke her down watching me try so hard only to have some dick's inpatience and ignorance make it impossible for me to even look at my notebook to remember the things I was supposed to repeat to myself to stay calm.

ug